Let’s get something straight. I run.
I don’t know if I would call myself a “runner” per se, but I run. I am a runner. I love the feeling I get after I run, but I do NOT always love to run, like the physical act of running. Sometimes my shins hurt and my toes hurt (apparently I have what’s called a Morton’s Neuroma) and oh, my achin’ back, but all in all, I’m a fan of the run. Running has changed my life since I downloaded the C25K app on my handy dandy little smartphone over 2 years ago. It has not only helped with weight and physical fitness, but it has provided light some days when there just isn’t any, when it’s so dang dark in my life. It has provided clarity, it has given me time with my own thoughts (that alone would actually scare me if I was you), and it has given me opportunities to listen to music and Giants games and amazing podcasts. But mostly, running reminds me that at one time, I was an athlete. Well, as one of my oldest friends, Gloria, tells me, that I am STILL an athlete and I choose to believe her because I see her as an athlete. I can still compete even if it’s with only myself (seriously, nobody else matters anyway). Plus, let’s face it: most people with children who are athletes are or have been competitive in one way or another at some point in their lives. I married an uber-competitive man and I apparently bring the same offering to the table and you don’t just let that die, try as you might (not that I’ve ever tried).
All that being said, an event came up on my Facebook feed the other day that interested me. It was for a Marathon Coaching program. Now, let’s get one thing reeeeeeeeeeaaaaally clear. I am not running a marathon. I do not want to, I do not need to, and I am flat-out not doing it. But a coaching program interests me at this stage in my running life. I could learn and run with a group of people, get instruction from a running coach, and potentially run a marathon (which I’m not, but I COULD is all I’m saying). Some people put marathons on their bucket lists…that doesn’t work for me for a few reasons. 1: I don’t have a bucket list. 2: I don’t care to make a bucket list. 3: I don’t wanna run a marathon, I really don’t. I know I keep hammering this whole #3 thing, but every time I’ve said I’m thinking about going to this meeting, someone gets all excited and tells me I can totally do this and I’m an inspiration (uhhh, no I’m not) OR they get all “OhmygoshIcan’tbelieveyou’regoingtorunamarathonI’verun20ofthemandIcan’twaittotrainwithyouandwecanrunningbffs!” No, seriously. They say that without breathing and with eyes as wide as saucers. I hate those people. I can’t live up to that (again) for a couple of reasons (I really like lists, in case you haven’t noticed). 1: I’m not very cheery, happy, bouncy runner. 2: I do not want a running bff becaaaaaaaauuuuse I’m a loner. OMG. PLEASE click that last link. It’s hella funny. Hella funny.
I like the competition in running races, not because I really care to win, but because I just like pushing myself past what I think I’m capable of. But I worry that if I got hooked up with a running bff that I would be a disappointment because there is a huge level of commitment involved there. I worry that I couldn’t keep a synchronized schedule because I don’t generally work the same schedule every week and I don’t want to be a flake when the cost is so high…physically, emotionally, financially (honestly, you know how much cute running shorts, extra shoes, and visors cost, right?). I just can’t commit to that. Plus, I don’t wanna run a marathon. There’s that.
So here this goes. I’m going to the informational meeting tomorrow with back-up. I’m taking my friend Vicky who I’ve told in no uncertain terms that (you guessed it) this doesn’t mean I’m running a marathon. She was very supportive and agreed to go with me and she just threw in a “And you totally should [run a marathon]!!” at the end of her supportive text, you know, just for good measure. I love you, Vicky. From the depths of my soul, I freaking love you. I’m also taking her to make sure that she doesn’t let me sign up for ANYTHING. Got that, Vicky? No checks written tomorrow! My bank account and my husband are both counting on you! No pressure.
And just as an FYI, the app I’m using says that tomorrow I’m ready to run a 5K. Watch me go, y’all. Watch me run and run and run. I’m going to leave you with this great excerpt from a book I’m reading. Run on, y’all. Run on.
“Run when you want to. Run when you don’t. Run when you’re sad. Run when you’re pissed. Run when you’re feeling hella good. It’s all a part of showing up and proving to yourself you can and will do this … regardless of the circumstances.”